It still seems surreal that I am doing this. That it is actually happening. That me, who never has traveled, is living in England for a year. As I sat in the well lit Seattle Airport I contemplated this. This of course was after the tears.

That’s right I cried! And I don’t mind admitting it. It was just that to see my family with tears in their eyes was hard. I had felt pretty numb previously. I was too focused on accomplishing what I wanted to before I left to really think about actually parting. But as I left the security gate, and bid my finial farewell, it hit me square in the gut: “I am leaving everyone I love behind.”

With this realization, as belated as it was, came a sick feeling in my stomach and tears in my eyes. I couldn’t believe that up to this point I hadn’t let it effect me. Suddenly I had mouthfuls of parting words I wish I had said streaming through my mind. “I should have told him this, her that. I should have said this, done that.” As I walked to gate A14 I looked for someone, anyone, who looked like they were sharing my feelings. I wanted to see someone crying, someone longing to hang on to what they were leaving. But I saw no one. And 2 minutes into my big adventure I first felt it. I am alone.

By the time I arrived to my departure gate the logical part of my mind took back over, spoon feeding my brain reassuring and simple facts: One, that a year is in all actuality an extremely short amount of time and will be over before I know it. Two, that I am a fairly likable person and have never really had a problem making friends, so I won’t be alone for long. Three, almost everyone I care about has plans to come visit before the year elapses. And lastly, despite my fear of the unknown, that looming question mark, I truly feel that I will have a wonderful time. I convinced myself that I’d probably feel similar to how I did at that moment when I have to leave my friends and memories from England in one years time. My mind liked this reasoning and began to calm down a bit. Later I bought my mind a drink. It liked this as well.

Now with mind and spirit back in concurrence I am once again excited for what is ahead. I look forward to facing that x-variable with wonder and resolve to overcome. As trite as it sounds, everyday is going to be an adventure, and I plan to make the most of it.

So for anyone whom I didn’t say this to: please know that I love you immensely, I am going to miss you like the dickens. and that I am going to use this blog to try to share everything I can with you. First stop, New York City.

*Don’t fret; the subsequent posts will be less cheesy…. I hope.