In England there is something of a cultural phenomena known as the “pub quiz.” What it is basically, is a medley of trivia questions in which the person with the most correct answers wins. Typically a small prize is given in addition to the accolades from your peers for being a smarty-pants. It’s the perfect sport for those sorts of people who just seem to accumulate a wealth of random facts. I, as it seems, am not one of those sorts.

On Friday I attended my very first pub quiz at the invitation of my host Rotary group. I must admit that going into it I didn’t think I’d do altogether too well, seeing how I’m from a different country and considerably less veteran than most others in attendance. And then there is the fact that even in my own country I am not the most “in-touch” with what music is popular or what celebrity is doing what. Despite this handicap however I did imagine that I would at least have a few impressive contributions to the game. Things like: How long can a sloth hold its breath under water? Or what was Radiohead’s original name? Or even what is Ringo Starr’s real name?

Much to my chagrin however, none of these questions came up. And so I sat at my table feeling utterly useless. Thankfully I wasn’t alone at the table, my team consisting of the always delightful Roy and Liz White, and the always-stunning Franzi. We gave it a good go we four, but it became very apparent that we should instead aim for the booby prize. Especially with my non-contributions. Seriously I was so rubbish, out of 60 questions I only managed to answer a handful of them correctly, with only 1 of them being a question that the rest of the group didn’t know the answer to. Even Franzi who doesn’t feel confident in her English (though it’s impeccable) answered more than me.

So I began to defend my inability by stating that the questions were largely stacked out of my favor. First they primarily pertained to England but also an older side of England. Questions about old English radio programs for example, I was lost. Half of the answers I had never even heard of. I think that my team did genuinely feel a small sense of pity for me even. That is until the questions about American Presidents arrived.

You should have seen the looks on their faces, in a smile and twinkling of an eye it said: “You haven’t been able to help much, but here is your chance! We’ve got them now! Come on ol’ boy what is the answer to this one? Lord knows I don’t know President Truman’s middle name is…” And I sat there feeling awash in the possibility of redemption. “Harry S. Truman…. I know this one…. Harry Stevenson…. Harry Scott… Starts with an S! Let’s see. Swim? Swammi? Slippy? Slappy? Swenson? Swanson?” I couldn’t remember. And as I racked my brain going thru old election slogan songs we learned in grade school you could see the optimism slowly fade from the faces around me. I decided to go with Scott, partly because it sounded the most correct, but also because I was certain that my team was counting how many times I was saying “um” in an attempt to stall.

I tried to console myself after that big disappointment by rationalizing that in all fairness President Truman died long ago and that one couldn’t be expected to remember such things. But just as I started to feel a little bit better the next question came: President Bush’s middle name, good ol’ George Dubba’, what does the “W” stand for? This time the faces of my team said: “Surely you must know this one. He is the current leader of your country. Supported or mocked he is always in the news. Surely you must know.” And I too had to admit: “ I should know this. I DO know this… I HAVE to know this… Right?” But as I went thru the W possibilities in my head nothing sounded right. “George Washington…no. George William… maybe? George Winston… no.” Ultimately I opted for my maybe answer (William) and felt completely deflated.

Despite my disappointing performance however I did enjoy myself. The food was good and the company was even better. Plus I know now that I should NEVER attempt to do a pub quiz unless I have a hankering for embarrassment. All and all it’s another English cliché that I can happily cross of my list. “Been there done that” as the kids say…

Post Script: In case you were wondering Harry S. Truman had no middle name. He added the S. because he thought it sounded better. It was a bit of a trick question. And as for President Bush, well, W stands for Walker. A name I will never again forget as it congers up an image of the Texas Ranger. Be honest, would you have answered any better than I?