She could still remember the fateful night they met. The cold night air escaping his awkwardly parted lips in the resemblance of smoke as he stared and formed a grin. She allowed herself to blush for only a twinge of a second not abashed by his obvious interest in her. She knew how this would work. She was used to men affixing their affections to her bonnet. She was used to the elevator eyes, the cat-calls, and the wolf-whistles she received on the street. But it had been so long since someone looked at her this keenly that she reddened for the briefest of moments.

She thought, “He wants me.” and her thoughts were confirmed as he straddled her and flicked the key on, nervousness and excitement surging through him. She could feel his quickened pulse through his palms as he took her handlebars.

He was inexperienced but she found this forgivable with the smiles and kindness he would show in return. “I can teach him what he needs to know” she said, “We can learn together.” And for months they had your typical sunny love affair. She brightened his days, the mere thought of time with her made him giddy. And when he would tuck her in and whisper goodnight she knew that she was the only woman for him.

Sometimes he would leave, he would travel to “see the world,” and although she was suspicious of theses occurrences and the potential foreign girls who he might meet he always came home even happier to see her. There was no love lost on his behalf. But women such as her can’t stay too long. She was made to travel hence any prolonged stays in one area make her feel caged. And in what seems to be her pattern, this claustrophobia made her start looking for excuses to leave.

At first it was small things. Since having her, he refused to think of time with her as anything other than a privilege, something special and indulgent. In a strange way this bothered her. She thought to herself; “I don’t just want to be wanted, a women needs to be NEEDED.” Though she knew that this was impossible, that she was luxury. But even this wasn’t enough of an excuse to convince even herself. It was only once she could detect a change in his thoughts that she knew she had to go. Since November SHE occupied his thoughts unequivocally. But in recent times another woman, one made of flesh, not petrol, plastic, and metal, began popping up in his mind. Not that it means much at all, but for someone who was ready to leave it was enough to tip the scales. She didn’t want to wait around and see how things played out. She didn’t even want to talk about it. So with equal parts of independence, jealousy, premature abandon, affirmation, and tragedy, she loosed the shackles of loyalty that bound here tires and left.

He would never know where or fully know why but he can accept that it’s what she felt was necessary. And though it saddened him he likes to think that they are better for it, that they had some really special times together and that’s what they should focus on.

To this day when he hears a little engine whizzing by his lips instinctively frame the shape of her name, and that shape into a smile.

(Or did it happen differently?)
Penny and I